Finding Emotional Intelligence in Negative Emotions – Positive Purpose in Sadness Anger and Fear

Emotional Intelligence is severely undervalued. When you feel stuck, frustrated, stressed, upset, or overwhelmed, skillful emotional awareness is the key to moving forward. Underneath your upset is a specific emotion that can guide you. The key, then, is to understand the messages in your feelings and become skillful in using their energy appropriately.

Even so-called “negative emotions,” such as sadness, anger, and fear, convey important information and energy to carry out specific actions that can help you and others. Emotions arise with a purpose and when this purpose is fulfilled the feeling subsides. Unfortunately, as a society, we have not learned to understand and sufficiently value emotional energy and information, so we tend to deal with these feelings crudely.

For example, with an emotion like anger, you might express it explosively or shove it under the surface, because you do not want to act angrily. Either you express your feelings reactively or cease feeling altogether.

Emotional Intelligence expert, Karla McLaren, describes a healthy third alternative. She says you can facilitate the healthy flow of emotions by consciously “channeling” the information and energy that emotions provide. In other words, emotions contain meaningful messages along with energy to do something related to those messages. This is true for so-called “negative” emotions as well as “positive” ones.

For example, McLaren suggests that:

• ANGER arises when you, or someone or something you love, is threatened and you need to take protective action or set a firm boundary.

• SADNESS arises when you need to let go of what no longer serves you or what is past, so you can move forward.

• FEAR arises to prompt you to take preventative action.

• JOY prompts you toward expansive, expressive, creative action.

• COMPASSION prompts you to care for others.

So, every emotion has a MESSAGE and ENERGY to carry out a specific type of action. Tuning into your emotions helps you to receive these messages and take these actions.

Let’s explore the first three of these emotions in more depth. Sadness, anger, and fear are often misunderstood and handled poorly. We tend to repress them, stay stuck in them, or express them unskillfully, with negative consequences.

So, as you work with these emotions, it’s important to do so Mindfully. Approach them as a curious observer with an attitude of paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, without judgment. Know that emotions are simply information about yourself, others, and events, along with energy to do something about this information. They do not define who you are and they will pass as you gather their information and take appropriate action.

(Note: If you feel overwhelmed or paralyzed by feelings to the point where you are unable to consciously process them yourself, seek the assistance of a counseling professional who is trained to work with intense emotions.)

The Positive Purpose of Sadness

The purpose of sadness is to enable you to let go of what is no longer working or what is past and finished. Sadness is a watery downward-flowing energy that enables you to release what no longer serves you, so you can return to fluidity and flexibility in your life.

By allowing appropriate sadness to flow through you, you’ll make space for new energy and new possibilities. If you do not consciously acknowledge sadness or don’t know how to flow with it, you’ll bury it inside, where it will perpetually cycle, or you’ll get lost in the feeling and be overwhelmed.

Here’s a practice adapted from Karla McLaren’s book, “The Language of Emotions,” that can help you consciously process feelings of sadness.

1. When you feel sadness flood into you, take some quiet, private time to center into the feeling. Tune into the sensation of sadness, locate where it resides in your body, and approach it with curiosity to learn what it has to tell you.

2. Take a deep in-breath as if you are filling your whole body with your breath. As you exhale, make a sighing sound, and feel the energy of your sadness flowing like water down through your body, through your legs and feet, and down into the ground.

3. Stay centered in your inner space and ask your sadness the question: “What needs to be released or let go right now?” Don’t rush to fill in an answer. Instead, keep the question open. Listen and feel inside.

Repeat your sighing breath down through your body as many times as you feel the need and keep your question open for your deeper knowing to respond. You may find you know right away what you need to release or you may find it becomes clear later. Either way, tuning into sadness (or any emotion) mindfully initiates a process of discovery and integration that will help you move forward.

The Positive Purpose of Anger

Anger arises to create and preserve personal boundaries and safeguard personal space. You feel angry when a personal boundary or the boundary of someone or something you care for is disrupted or violated. When you are able to identify the source of the perceived threat and use the energy available in anger to strengthen your personal space and take appropriate action, anger will recede. It will have accomplished its purpose.

Here’s a practice adapted from McLaren to gather the information and use the energy in your anger:

1. When you feel anger rising, focus inside your body and become more in-touch with the felt sensation. Approach the feeling with curiosity to learn more about it.

2. Take a deep in-breath. As you exhale, imagine and feel as if the energy in your anger travels outward into a sphere about an arms-width around you, your personal boundary, strengthening it with a brilliant color. Do this until you feel a shift in your energy, so you are witnessing, feeling, and working with the energy in your anger without being consumed by it.

3. Ask your anger this question: “What needs to be protected or restored?”

4. Then ask, “What action will restore healthy boundaries and protect what is important?”

These questions help you identify what feels threatened, so you can take appropriate action. Try this when anger arises and see how it works for you.

The Positive Purpose of Fear

We’ve been told “Fear is what holds us back” and “The only thing to fear is fear itself.” If we can just overcome our fears, we’ll be able to live full-out and realize our hopes and dreams. But, what if this perennial wisdom regarding fear is missing something? What if fear in its essential form is one of our wise guides?

Emotions have three primary forms: unconscious reactive expression, a repressed cycling state, and a healthy free-flowing state. It may be that we are only familiar with the first two forms of fear: a reactive expression that makes us cower and a repressed state which creates constant low-level anxiety.

Fear in its healthy free-flowing form is something altogether different. What if fear can signal intuitive awareness of something that needs attention? What if it can alert you to important action?

This form of fear is a sixth sense that reaches out through your personal space to pick up signals about what is happening inside you, with others, and in your environment. Fear can alert you to what is happening in your own body. It can alert you to the actions and intentions of the people around you and to conditions in the environment. When you learn to discern this information, it can help you can choose wise actions.

To learn to use fear as a wise guide, try this simple practice:

1. When you feel fear arising, take a quiet, private moment to center into the feeling. Tune into the sensation of fear, locate where it resides in your body, and approach it with curiosity to learn what it has to tell you.

2. Take a deep in-breath as if you are filling your whole body with your breath. As you exhale, imagine and feel that your breath fills the sphere of your personal space about an arm’s width around your entire body. Sense into your personal space and into the wider space around you and search for subtle signals. For example, you might be drawn to an area inside your body or to look at something or someone in your environment. You might feel the urge to move toward or away from something.

3. Stay centered in your personal space and ask your fear the question: “What action needs to be taken right now?” Don’t rush to fill in an answer. Instead, keep the question open. Listen and feel inside. See what presents itself. You may have an inspiration to take a specific action.

It can take time to learn to discern guiding signals. As best as you can, be patient. The simple action of tuning into emotional signals is a cultivated skill. You’ll grow your ability to sense inner guidance from fear and all your emotions through mindful practice over time.

You’ll also learn to discern the quality of signals that represent accurate present guidance from false interpretations based on painful past experiences. There’s a different felt quality to accurate versus false guidance. False guidance may feel alarming, stressful, or rushed. It is fixated on what happened in the past or overly-anxious about the future. Accurate emotional guidance has a matter-of-fact, present, forward-moving quality, that feels like perfect timing.

So, in summary, as emotions come up, instead of being wary of them, what if you welcome them, become curious, and ask:

• What is the sensation of this emotion in my body?

• Exactly what emotion is this?

• What is the message in this feeling?

• What is it asking me to do?

Message From the Universe: Understanding the Power of Your Thoughts

“There are some folks who think that life isn’t fair, and to them I say, “Touché!”

Obviously, they see themselves as unlimited Beings of Light for whom all things are possible. They recognize that their thoughts become things, giving rise not only to dreams, but to worlds. And they appreciate that their very existence in time and space proves that they’re loved beyond imagination.

Yes, these are the folks who understand that with dominion over all things, the cards of life are indeed stacked in their favor.

N’est-ce pas?

The Universe”

There is no limit to your power of visualization. You can decide what you want to do in your life, as it is your life anyways. You can change the perception of yourself by realizing how special you are. You have talents and it is important to share it with the world. Your thoughts are becoming things every day and accompanying your dreams with actions, you are ready to take over the world. I am aware that fear will sometimes take over your psyche and stop you on your tracks but you can’t be afraid. You can’t be stopping yourself from reaching your dreams. They are yours, you need to protect them at all cost. No one else would want to make that happen, so start taking action today.

Your life will change as you start taking the first step to accomplishing greatness. You will achieve everything you put your mind into, so always learn to keep your vision clear. If any negative thought enters your mind, brush it off with positive thoughts, as it takes a whole lot of negativity to affect your productivity. As you built habit to accept only peaceful and positive thoughts, you will train your subconscious mind to form a new bridge between both minds which in return, will create an incentive to achieve more in life, especially financial success, if that is a priority to you,. Patience is needed though, so as you train everything else in life, do not forget to train your patience skills as well. Let me tell you, it will be all worth it.

Friends’ Two Cents for Those Who Have Decided to Quit Alcohol

Mankind is known to use various addictive substances since ages, both for relief from various health problems and for recreational purpose. Arguably, alcohol is one of the oldest substances that are still being abused. In fact, the consequences of drinking alcohol are only worsening with the course of time. Across the world, larger populations are displaying problematic behaviors than ever before.

Alcohol dependency, binge drinking, etc. are some problematic behaviors which could occur when one starts drinking too much and too frequently. Its adverse impact on physical and mental health is also known well. According to the 2016 National Survey on Drug Use and Health (NSDUH), 136.7 million Americans aged 12 or older admitted that they were drinking alcohol. Of them, 65.3 million people indulged in binge drinking in the past month, while 16.3 million Americans admitted to heavy drinking.

When a person craves for alcohol too often or has trouble going about regular activities without it, it is a warning sign of getting dependent on one of the most abused substances. It should be a wake-up call for such people before it is too late, and seek immediate help to get rid of the habit of drinking. Listed below are some advices one could give to a friend or a loved one as the latter decides to quit alcohol:

Quitting alcohol is good for health. Once out of the habit of alcohol, a person finds more time to devote to friends and family.
Though alcohol is treated as a social drink and most people consume it, there are still many who are teetotalers. If someone decides to quit drinking, he/she is certainly going to get a company.
Alcohol is an expensive and time consuming habit. Therefore, it is always a good choice to quit or take a break, as one would not only save money but also time, which can be utilized in pursuing other interests and hobbies.
Quitting alcohol can make life much simpler as it takes away the worries of arranging the next drink.
Quitting alcohol leads to improved health and reduces the risks of developing lifestyle diseases like diabetes or hypertension.
It is better to inform near and dear ones about the decision to quit alcohol consumption. For example, when parents and spouse are informed about the decision, they may follow suit or at least refrain from serving liquor at family gatherings where he/she is also in attendance.
Whether one shouts from the rooftop to inform one and all about quitting alcohol or takes small but important measures such as ordering a mocktail or staying away from booze parties, it matters a lot when the person is out with friends who order alcohol.
It is always good to have supportive friends around after deciding to kick the bottle. Such friends can help one deal with the situations where alcohol is in abundance.

Finding treatment

Though it’s important to realize the need to quit alcohol for a better and healthy life, merely deciding to quit drinking is not enough. It must be followed by expert guidance, detoxification and complete recovery to keep alcohol at bay in future.

Discover Three Keys To Unleash Your Innate Power

Everyone, who comes to me for mental/emotional healing, is seeking to step into their DESTINY-not just for their own fulfillment, but for the future of our world.

Do you desire to step into your DESTINY?

However, when thinking about what it might take to get there, do you feel overwhelmed by your day-to-day responsibilities, limitations, lack of connections, or weighed down by your ‘To-Do’ list?

For centuries many philosophers have extensively researched human capacity, they each added to the discovery that each of us has 5 “Quantum Powers” that are dormant inside us, just waiting to be unleashed, that can allow you to overcome these perceived limitations and step into the larger destiny the Universe has for you.

In my 50+ years of studying philosophy from Thales of Miletus (c. 624 BCE – c. 546 BCE) (pre-Soctratic) Greek philosopher who is often considered the first philosopher and the father of Western philosophy to modern-day philosophers, I am sharing their discoveries, and how you can access your innate powers.

There are 3 keys to unlocking Your Quantum Powers. Overcome Your Limitations. Accelerate Your Evolution. You will have Greater Impact in your life and on the world.

While these powers don’t include the ability to grown wings to fly, turn invisible, walk through walls, or leap tall buildings, they allow you to…

Quickly increase your skill-building
Profoundly improve your health
Expand time in your day
Reduce stress
Expand your creativity and success
Attract more money and support the projects that are important to you

These “Quantum Powers” are primarily undiscovered in the majority of people, but some of the most successful people in history have used them to achieve seemingly impossible things. Think of first inventors, people’s lives that seem to flow through calm or choppy waters.

After mastering these Quantum Powers myself and proving their effectiveness with hundreds of people the past 30+ years, I am confident you too will be glad you discovered the 3 keys to unlocking Your Quantum Powers.

This moment is the first moment of the rest of your life; it is time to step into your DESTINY-not just for your own fulfillment, but, your family, friends and for the future of our world.

These are the 5 Quantum Powers I will explore with you to discover what you need to shift:

Expand time so you can do more in less time than ever before without adding stress to your life
Experience “sustained fire” to keep you operating at your highest energy level throughout even the longest, most challenging days
Partner with the energy of the Universe to more easily accomplish your goals and fulfill your dreams
Expand and express your creativity without sacrificing your daily responsibilities
Attract the money, people and resources you need to move your projects forward and achieve the level of success you’re striving for and deserve.

Allow me to assist you to overcome your limitations and step into a life of true power, connection and fulfillment.

I will assist you to take the steps you need to take to claim your happiness, success, fulfillment, and empowerment? You can take advantage of the opportunity to create a new reality for your life?

You might need to ask for assistance to clear out the self-doubt, fear, guilt, shame or unworthiness.

Here’s to living your empowered life NOW.

There is no judgment about asking for assistance to create happiness and success. If you have read the books, taken workshops, had psychic readings, taken prescriptions and OTC drugs and still struggle; you might have mental/emotional blocks preventing you from moving into your happiness and desires.

This is an investment in your Self, your happiness, your success, your fulfillment, and your empowerment. Following these principles will change your life forever. My desire is two-fold to assist you to experience it for yourself as soon as possible and to see the joy, happiness and success you create. Remember only you can create your happiness and professional success.

What Is “Prosperity” Thinking and How Do I Think That Way?

The Google word reference meaning of flourishing is “the condition of being prosperous”. Equivalent words recorded with the definition incorporate benefit, abundance, riches, plushness, extravagance, the great life, drain, and nectar, (great) fortune, ease, bounty, comfort, security, prosperity, for instance, “she merits all the thriving she presently appreciates.”

While the definitions and numerous in the public eye utilize “thriving” as a source of perspective to budgetary wealth and increases. There is a related school of suspected that broadens the structure of thriving to not simply be “prosperous” monetarily, but rather to incorporate a method for being, called “success considering or attitude”. This is discussing the capacity to see as long as you can remember through a viewpoint of flourishing in your reasoning. This is huge in light of the fact that examination has demonstrated an awesome lion’s share of a people thought is adverse, which is the inverse of success considering. There is an assortment of research indicating negative reasoning is more normal to the individual, which would mean thriving/positive reasoning and thought isn’t normal to the person.

– 80% human contemplations for every day are negative (2)

– our states of mind are more vigorously impacted by awful news than uplifting news (3)

– in the English lexicon, 62% are negative passionate words versus just 32% positive words (4)

– 75-98% of mental and physical sicknesses originate from our idea life! (1)

In my long stretches of study, learning and working in self-improvement and advancement, brain science, advising and instructing, there are a couple of ideas that go to the best to enable you to move your reasoning to a more prosperous personality. The estimation of this isn’t just positive to your disposition and internal prosperity yet influences you physically and swells into whatever is left of your life (activities and fascination). Some may discover the point of constructive brain science to feel “cushioned”, “blushing reasoning” or impossible, be that as it may, when individuals end up encompassed by antagonism, discouraged, stuck and always battling “funks”, these straightforward practices can change their life.

While basic, on one hand, these are multifaceted “hones” to create and ace in your life. There are books that jump further into the theme, however for presentation, here are three parts I have observed to be vital to creating and developing your prosperous personality.

1. Development or Fixed Thinking. To have a prosperous personality – you need to have GROWTH THINKING versus Settled THINKING. This idea is all the more ordinarily instructed in the scholarly and training world, notwithstanding, it is an establishment of learning and a center state of mind, learning and developing that applies to as long as we can remember. Mindsetworks is a site that clarifies the source of this idea. Dr. Tune Dweck, a Stanford educator, examined a huge number of kids and begat the expression “settled” and “development” outlook to depict the basic convictions individuals have about learning and insight. At the point when understudies were empowered in development considering (“learning is my objective” “exertion makes me more grounded”) their scores and results made strides. Conversely, the individuals who have settled reasoning, center around their confinements and can even be a casualty of the aptitudes and abilities they trust they do or don’t have with no control to improve themselves. This is an extraordinary YouTube to clarify how it functions:

2. Bounty versus Shortage. To have a Prosperity Mindset, take a gander at what IS POSSIBLE versus what IS NOT POSSIBLE. Bounty says there is sufficient and there is bounty, it assumes that whatever is has flawlessness to it. It makes satisfaction and certainty of acknowledgment to see the esteem and advantage of what is. Shortage centers around what we don’t have and that there isn’t sufficient. It makes a dread of the need and creates a frenzy to take or get on the grounds that there won’t be sufficient or I probably won’t have enough. On account of our negative common human wiring, it is normal to see the world and life from a sacristy point of view. For instance, two youngsters are sharing and think, on the off chance that I don’t get the toy I need now, I probably won’t get it. As a grown-up, in the event that you don’t land a position you apply for, shortage stresses, I won’t land a position or did inadequately. The distinction is a bounty mentality, which has similitudes or covers with the development outlook sees it in an unexpected way. Plenitude knows I will have time with the toy at some point. Bounty knows whether I continue attempting I will land the correct position at the perfect time. To me, plenitude versus shortage is about trust versus fear.

3. Unattachment versus connection. In conclusion, unattachment is the capacity to release something and on the off chance that it is intended to be it will return. Connection is one method for seeing, considering and accomplishing something. As a rule, connection is being joined to my direction. I have an assumption of how it needs to go and look and in the event that it doesn’t occur that way, I consider it to be disappointment. Unattachment defines objectives and has dreams yet is available to how things may develop or unfurl. That does not mean getting off kilter or ten headings, it just means being adaptable to potential outcomes and open doors as they present themselves and being open enough to remember them despite the fact that they probably won’t have been what you anticipated. For instance, you truly need work at Apple, however don’t get it. You are given the chance to volunteer at the secondary school and help with the tech club, which would be a chance to accomplish something associated with your objective and make associations that would enable you to accomplish your objective later on. Regularly far better open doors than we can envision present themselves. This is about your disposition.

Thriving Thinking = Growth Mindset + Prosperity Perspective + Unattachment (what would i be able to learn and how might I develop + what is conceivable and what would i be able to do + open to what occurs without principles, points of confinement or requests on how that advances).

A decent method to test your reasoning is to compose your objectives and after that 5 considerations about your objectives. Put them through the channel and ensure they are development disapproved, have a flourishing point of view and surrender connections. On the off chance that the considerations are more settled, shortage and joined, make a T diagram and compose the positive viewpoint on the opposite side. You can start to prepare your reasoning and move the manner in which you trust, think and react to the world. The advantages won’t just convey more happiness and vitality to your life, however the effect you have on others will be detectable and critical too.


1. There is mind look into in how our reasoning influences our conduct, actually, Dr. Leaf, a pioneer in human mind inquire about says, “You Are What You Think: 75-98% of Mental and Physical Illnesses Come from our Thought Life!” originate from-our-thought-life/

2. “In 2005, the National Science Foundation distributed an article with respect to examine about human musings every day. The normal individual has around 12,000 to 60,000 considerations for each day. Of those, 80% are negative and 95% are the very same tedious considerations as the day preceding and around 80% are negative.” By Faith, Hope and Psychology “80 of Thoughts Are Negative… 95 Are Repetitive”

3. and 4. “Paul Rozin and Edward Royzman appeared in their exploration that the negative point of view is more infectious than the positive viewpoint. An examination by John Cacioppo and his associates demonstrated that our mentalities are more intensely impacted by awful news than uplifting news. Different scientists examined dialect to think about cynicism predisposition. For instance, there are more negative enthusiastic words (62 percent) than positive words (32 percent) in the English lexicon.” (Psychology Today, “Are We Hardwired To Be Positive or Negative”)